Monday to Friday, army. Saturday and Sunday, work. Broke as fuck. No time for my family, friends and girlfriend. Legs are spoiled, shoulders and elbows are problematic. Quitting life is an option.

I have gazed upon the abyss of this world

plagued with baleful thoughts I hugged my knees and curled

for this was not what I intended so I cowered in fear

till existentialism woke me up after a year.

I have been deceived for there is no god nor can I see the light

therefore the optimism in me found itself in a sorry plight.

Many nights with all my might I tried to find a purpose in this spiteful life 

but to no avail and so all that’s left was a knife

to end this life that is without an intrinsic meaning.

Is funny to me how everyone is saying let’s pray for japan and god bless them. If God really gave a fuck about them he would have prevented the disaster from happening. Geez, don’t you religious dicks ever think?

Beau.

Let this intimate and melancholy sensation overwhelm me as I actively participate in a mental self-immolation. I shudder at the thought of morality and existence. More than often, I believe everyone around me is a projection or apparition of some sought and I’m living in desolation. More than often, I believe that everything is nothing, and nothing is real. There is no god, there is no science. More than often, I think that I’m an experiment and my master is of an higher intelligence residing in another planet or dimension. But having these thoughts “more than often” provides the foundation which I look to as a stepping stone towards a goal, suicide. What’s the most interesting thing you can do in your life? End it. Unlike those inbreds who chose to kill themselves over trivial matters such as an heartache, I say fuck ‘em. The one and only reason that I ever thought of killing myself, and that reason is curiosity. Will I survive death in a metaphysical way? Or will my corpse disintegrate and rot as it takes part in periodic decay. Is funny, how life has got me by the balls with a knife in it’s hand stabbing at my nihilistic mentality. I dread waking up because everyday I go through a struggle which not many will ever fathom. 

First off, Christmas is just a festival stolen from the Pagans. What happened to the celebrations of the Winter Solstice? But today, I’m not going to give you a history lesson on the origins of Christmas. There’s a simple thing I do to acquire knowledge, is called going to the library.

Let’s move on to my anti-capitalistic rants. To thepuerile and credulous common people, Christmas is another festival of celebration and giving. Perfectly harmless. But it isn’t. Christmas is an assault on humanity to indoctrinate the masses into a capitalist way of life. A propaganda, a scheme by the government to engage people into consumerism. Blindly diving into stores to spend and splurge on things you don’t need. Christmas marketing is a scam that fills the tummy of the corporations and government while individuals are going into debts. Brainwashed and victimized, material possessions escalates into obsessions. And these are two things which degrades value in human life. Santa Clause is a puppet of the system and people are dancing for good old Santa. 

Now we shall talk about Christmas pollution. I’ll just quote a trustworthy article. 

Clothes

During Christmas 2004, Australians spent more than $1.5 billion on clothing and related items. This resulted not only in many presents under the Christmas tree, but also in approximately 720,000 tons of greenhouse pollution, 38 gigaliters of water, and more than half a million hectares of disturbed land.

According to the text of the report: “It would take more than two weeks for the Hazelwood coal power station in Victoria’s La Trobe Valley (Australia’s most polluting power station) to produce that much greenhouse pollution. And you’d need to leave your garden hose running for 324 years to use that much water.”

Books and Magazines
In December 2004 Australians spent $612 million on books and magazines. Producing that reading material consumed 416,100 tons of materials such as waste paper, ink cartridges and packaging; left more than 40,000 hectares of land disturbed; and created 430,000 tons of greenhouse pollution, the equivalent of a year of pollution from 85,000 cars.

Confectionary
If you spend $30 on confectionary this Christmas—items such as chocolate and lollipops—you will be consuming on average 20 kilograms (kg) of materials, 940 liters of water, 26 square meters of land, and creating 16kg of greenhouse gases.

Alcoholic Beverages
In December 2004, Australians spent about $900 million on alcohol. Producing all of that beer and wine required 42 gigaliters of water, enough to fill 42,000 Olympic-sized swimming pools.

Household Appliances
For Christmas 2004, Australians spent $1.5 billion on household electrical appliances such as DVD players and air conditioners. Before the appliances were even plugged in and operating, they had generated 780,000 tons of greenhouse pollution.

As you shop for Christmas gifts this year, keep in mind the environmental cost of the items that catch your eye and look for eco-friendly alternatives. If we allow the environment to become overdrawn, we’ll all be bankrupt.

Information taken from, http://environment.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=environment&cdn=newsissues&tm=82&f=20&su=p1037.1.155.ip_p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http://www.acfonline.org.au/uploads/res_Xmascost.pdf

So please people, stop this senseless spending. Wake up.

Halloween is an opportunity for girls to dress like dirty whores. You all look like prostitutes. Good that you’re proud to post your “Halloween outfit” all over Facebook. *Fap fap fap*   (22:05 on 02 November 2010)

YAY is Zouk Out! Let’s all waste our youth away with alcohol and dress like a slut to whore ourselves off to the horny men! Because I’m such a fucking rebel, all I want to do is party and drink. I’m a teenager full of angst, I hate my life because I have school and parents who care about me. Well, fuck all of you. None of you have any real fucking troubles in your lives. Just pricks wasting your parent’s money.   (23:45 on 01 October 2010)

Go to school. Graduate and get a fucking job. Try your best to get promoted. Get married and pop out two kids who’ll step all over your dreams. Get another fucking job with a higher pay. Fuck the same piece of vagina every night. Grow old, grow sick. Die with no achievements in your life except that two fucking brats of yours.   (18:34 on 25 September 2010)

Religion is opium for the indolent and besotted people. Logic and reasoning is the authoritative force of the universe, not objects of faith. Christians and Muslims alike - slaves of the doctrines, puppets of the apocryphal prophets. Consumed in the bible and Qur’an, relinquished of true knowledge and freedom.   (02:31 on 23 August 2010)

National day, yay? Hooray for Singapore! A country where playboy magazines are banned. A place where you’ll get hanged for drugs. A place where freedom of speech can’t be practiced. A place where they’ll charge you for writing a book about Singapore’s capital punishment. WHEEEEEEEEE I <3 THIS country! As much as I love Christians.   (00:34 on 30 July 2010)

Stop complaining and whining about how fucked up your life is. Yea you just broke up with your boyfriend. Or oh exams are coming fml. I can’t go partying this weekend cause I have to babysit fml. Bla3. FUCK YOU. You fucking cunts. FML is when you got no fucking arms and legs and you eat sand and drink your own pee to survive. Fucking twats.   (02:33 on 29 July 2010)

I discerned this world in actuality. A self-proclaimed cosmopolite with an keen eye for objective truth. Understanding the unfathomable theories from Nihilism to post-modernism. From Karl Marx to Friedrich Nietzsche. Yet, I can’t fathom love. Is love metaphysical? Is love intrinsic and absolute? Love is transcendental. Love is irrefutable. Love is apparent to me now. Because love is what I’m feeling now. (12:16 on 05 July 2010)

I want a girl who’ll talk about nihilism. About postmodernism. About deconstructionism. About atheism. A girl who spits on religion. A girl who believes in the philosophy of religion. About illuminati. About Freemasons. About Marxism. About evolution. Go on for hours and hours till our brains are drained and we become wiser.   (00:28 on 30 June 2010)

God bla3. How about rationalism and logical reasoning to solve your problems. Religion is meant to control people by politicians. Religion was meant to give comfort to people who are afraid of dying. Religion is the No. 1 cause for the most number of death till date. Wake up, god is not here. Stop wasting time in church praying and praising god. START HELPING THE POOR WITH YOUR BARE HANDS.   (18:05 on 28 June 2010)   

Fuck the Karate Kid. That boy is black. He should be learning how to aim a 9mm at some other thugs and learn how to rap. What’s next? A movie featuring a chinese boy and some black mudafaking gangster teaching him how to sell crack?   (19:09 on 17 June 2010)

Wake up, masturbate, bathe, eat, go to school, chill with friends, back at home, eat, watch tv, do assignments, masturbate, play games, read books, shit, sleep. Repeat for multiple years. Graduate. National Service. Work till you die.   (14:52 on 16 June 2010)

Lol @ all these partying bitches who can’t wait to grow up. Fucktards. 15 - 17 and already acting like whores. Grow some brains bitches. Wanna party? Grow some tits and wait till you’re 18. Life ain’t about partying.  (02:42 on 14 April 2010)

Mum : Why didn’t you lock the door again? Me : Because if any mother fucker tries to robs us I’ll fucking take a knife and stab him, I’ll cut his dick off and fucking fry it then I’ll rape his mum and sister Mum : Good, you are becoming insane like me  (00:16 on 04 April 2010)

Stop praying and start living. Religions are just like any other charity organizations, beneath the philanthropic bullshit is all about earning money. And I laugh every time Muslims and Christians are out at it again. Killing in the name of god, how sane. God is false. You’re afraid of death and you are weak. (02:19 on 02 April 2010)

Fucking retards and the media have to stop sticking their dicks into people’s life. So what if Tiger Woods and Jack Neo are involved in scandals and they cheat on their wives. Let them settle their problems internally. Why the fuck do they have to apologize to the public? IS their fucking life, they owe no one apologies except their wives.   (15:25 on 11 March 2010)

Stop fighting about abortions. The kid ain’t gonna be happy without a dad and a 17 year old mum. And ARE you going to donate $2000 to the bearer each month? If you’re not. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ABORTION BEING WRONG. AND A FETUS IS NOT A HUMAN. Life began billions of years ago. We are just part of the cycle.   (12:09 on 10 March 2010)            

Lol @ pissy egoistic teen girls tryin to climb the social ladder. You’re fake. You look good cuz’ of your shitload of make up. You look good because you’re showing skin. Active and attending every social life party there is. Thinking you’re sexy, thinking you’re someone. Truth is, you’re no one. You’re just another typical Poly cunt which guys wanna fuck and jizz on. Then puke afterwards when your make up is gone.   (23:52 on 09 February 2010)

Science flies you to the moon, religion flies you into buildings. As we progress towards a post-modernistic era, religion will fade away as people care more for knowledge and less for senseless preachings. God didn’t create us, we created god.   (11:10 on 02 February 2010)

OK guys, follow me on this. When we masturbate, is like giving handjobs to a guy. Just that that guy is ourselves. But it is not gay at all. So what if we could suck our own dicks, would it be gay then? Is not like we are sucking other guy’s dick, is our own dicks. Somehow that thought of sucking your own dick, is gay. But handjobbing yourself, isn’t. Why is that so?   (11:15 on 21 January 2010)

In a modern world, places of prayer and religious infrastructures(churches, mosques and temples etc.) will be demolished. And that land can finally be used for something useful, such as orphanages   (11:48 on 19 January 2010)

I am an proud Atheist. I am a man with intelligence. I ? I am a modernist who rather spend time working, feeding the poor and helping orphans. Rather than praying for them, because nothing will happen. And religious people? They do good deeds only because they fear hell, and want a reward from god. Atheist do good deeds because is of their own free will. We know the true meaning of empathy and acceptance.   (18:03 on 30 December 2009)

He’s a malcontented misanthropist. He’s a fervent philanthropist. He’s a loving nihilist. He’s a traditional postmodernist. To all that scrutinized and rebuked him for being inane and paradoxical, he’ll always be proud of who he is.   (22:50 on 13 December 2009)

Aristocrats and the affluents succumb to living superfluously because they are avaricious and living so builds a feeling of eminency for them. The only reason it bothers me is that the blue-collar workers and the lower-class are the ones who suffer due to their pursuit for money.   (00:59 on 08 December 2009)

Wagner stands on the far right of the political wing while Prokofiev stands on the far left. Where does anarchism stand? Nowhere in the political system. Fuck them for saying Anarchism belongs to the left wing.  18:03 on 03 October 2009)

When the world runs out of space, people will tear and burn the churches and temples, all forms of religious buildings. And there you go, we can finally build something useful on those grounds.   (12:04 on 23 August 2009)

I feel that the word inappropriate wasn’t well thought
out. What I’m about to explain would seem at first not
related to this question but by the end you’ll see the
big picture.

I believe that everyone has their own perspective in how
they view life. For me, I do not live my life following
any laws nor will I allow myself to be enslaved by
doctrines. Is not because I’m a rebel and is not because
I’m a angst-ridden teen. We are born into this world
with all the freedom one man can have. But we are
bounded by so many laws and we have to conform to it, or
face the wrath of the political guns. And all these laws
are made up by who? People themselves. We are puppets
being controlled by aristocrats and people in the
highest class of the social hierarchy. To continue,
there is no such words as morals or inappropriate to
me. Like I said, we all have our own judgment. I believe
that everyone has their own reasons for doing what they
do. It could be ranging from raping to serial killing
and what not. I’m not saying that those kind of acts
should be tolerated, but we are not in their shoes and
therefore we’ll never know what is going through their
mind. There is however, a term called universal
preferable behavior, is an alternative to morals. Is a
term where majority of society would agree that certain
acts and behaviors are deemed wrong and
inappropriate and therefore we conform to a norm of
living called universal preferable behavior. But even
so, I do not believe in that system. As a matter of
fact, I do not believe in any form of system or
doctrines that will root me to the ground and prevent
myself from being an observer of life, a laughing
philosopher.

Hopefully you’ll understand why I said that to me there
is no such word as inappropriate. Therefore there are no
TV news report/clip that I would deem inappropriate. I
hope that you’re not bored by now. Because here’s a
second part of my answer to this RJ.

Now that I’ve explained myself about the word
inappropriate, I shall move on to give you my reasons on
why I believe that sensitivity and censorship is
bullshit, especially when it comes TV news report. I’m
not saying that the news should put on whatever it
likes, for example if the newscaster is reporting
serious news about a impending hurricane that could
destroy a small city and they use visuals such as naked
women to go along with the news, that wouldn’t make any
sense. However, I firmly believe that no matter how
harsh the visuals might be but as long it is relevant to
the news report they should just use those visuals. This
would create more impact to the viewers. This world is
harsh and cold in reality, and people need to be shown
that. We are so used to using euphemisms to take away
the impact. One of the main reasons why the news aren’t
allowed to show visuals that could be gory or sexual is
because parents are afraid that their kid might be
seeing it. This is the stupidest reason of all. Let me
put it this way, many parents complain that homosexuals
should be banned because they are afraid that their kid
might see them holding hands etc, and they wouldn’t know
how to explain to their kids why two men are holding
hand. Why should two homosexual lovers be banned and not
get married just because you can’t take 5 minutes to
explain to your shitty kid. Same for the news. This
world is growing and expanding infinitely, and so does
knowledge and the harshness of this world. If we are
being censored from everything since young we grow up
not knowing the harsh reality of this callous and
dispassionate world. And what do we get? A generation of
mindless zombies who are stuck in a shell and to them
life is all about excelling academically.

So, screw MDA and screw censorship.

No he ain’t suffering from bipolar disorder. He would just be embellishing his life story. Though he always thought he suffered from an iota of dissociative identity. And this is a session of extensive unbosoming for him. Customarily, is allotted to his inamorata. He wishes every morning he could hold you amorously.

Now don’t be supercilious as he would not give in to condescending backbites.

Ever since he witnessed the beating of a woman he couldn’t conceive it, he took pride in affirming himself that he would never do it. Not even contemplate about it as it should never be a prerogative.

But life is often dicey and fluctuating. One day, all that you had held true to yourself just turns on you to bite you. The devil grew abruptly and it became indomitable. He raised his fists forgetting how much he loved her and clouted her. After that day, he was never the same as he directed animosity towards himself.

Now he’s fallen in love with a beautiful and sublime lady. But time is of the essence as the devil subconsciously overwhelms him. The past is haunting and fearful as it comes back daunting on you. Do you know, he’s not trying to repress or chasten it. He is fucking dying to extiprate it.

He knows this is he’s fucking opportunity to annihilate it. Asphyxiate and garrote the fucking devil which have been residing inside of him. He won’t fucking give up and he won’t fall to capitulation.

It was either winning the battle or forever he will be relinquished of his love. Now he’s trying ever so harder to overpower it.

Honestly speaking he wouldn’t give a fuck if the devil inside of him was alive and kicking. But his feelings for her escalates into love and is always growing stronger. He understands that if he doesn’t fight then his anger will always be the source of unhappiness between him and his lover. And he resents that. Don’t you know how much he loves you Candis. He wants you to know, that nothing he ever said was a lie. Tried envisioning a life without you but he stopped on track as it was too much to bear.

But if you leave him he would understand. It was all for him to sustain as he directs it into something unproductive that no one wants to know about it. You told him you weren’t looking for anything serious but you sticked to him despite all the poppycock and shit that he gave you. The line is thinning and time is running out, he knows soon you’ll be gone so he better start winning. He wants and hope you’ll to be mirthful and blithe. And if leaving him is the only way you’ll be jubilant and nonchalant, leave him and let him fight the battle alone. But know this, whatever he did good was all for you. The times he snaps at you was what made him hate himself more. And if you’re aren’t there anymore, he would always be holding you close and dreaming of your love Candis as he fucks himself up wishing he wasn’t a creep.